I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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