apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
