at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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