We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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