The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I skipped work to stalk him.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
