we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
