Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
