She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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