I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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