that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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