My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
