Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
