I will die if light touches me.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
