so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize