this beer tastes like vomit already
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
