Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
