fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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