i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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