Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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