Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
