my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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