i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
