At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
