I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
