12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
