I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
