no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
