I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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