So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
