Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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