The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
