Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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