great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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