if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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