just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
