found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
