You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize