Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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