i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
