if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
