My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
