You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
