I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The uberlube is also flammable
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
