I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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