So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
