omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
