my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize