i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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