I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
