Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
