In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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