He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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