Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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