Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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