Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
