you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
