Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
