I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
