Sry I called you an 8
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
