Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
