i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
