I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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