Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
