That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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