Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
