hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
