i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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