i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
