that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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