Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
