And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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