pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize