a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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