I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
